As I stepped through Farm Aavjo’s gate after 15 days away—this time, a journey within rather than across places—Ino and her babies came running to me. But something was different. Sai was not there.
I kissed Ino, held Sakura and Shino close, but the space around me felt incomplete. I waited for Sai’s eager jumps, his gentle pushing, his familiar whiny sounds.
I can feel him. Around me. With me. But I cannot see him.
The air still holds his laughter, my body remembers his touch, and in the quietest moments, I hear his voice like a whisper in the wind.
Is longing just the absence of what once was? Or is it proof that love never really leaves?
Longing is strange. It doesn’t fill the empty space; it stretches it. It turns presence into echoes, love into reaching. I long for Sai the way one longs for childhood, for a song that once made you cry but now only hums quietly in memory.
“When I first saw Sai as this frail awkward puppy, I thought of Sai Yamanaka from Naruto. Sai was a very awkward and shy character. He had trouble connecting with people and showing his emotions, as he was trained to suppress all the emotions and fight enemies without any remorse or regret. He was made to have no personality and even had no name. He was surprised how Naruto wanted to save Susuke even though Susuke betrayed the village and did not want any saving. Despite the training to erase all emotions and have no personality, he had an interest in drawing and always carried a notebook with him. He was sweet and innocent just like our Sai.” - Vanshika, family member of Sai.
Sai loved us unconditionally and showed that he cared without being too clingy. He used to put his head down and press it against you. His eyes were beautiful too.
I remember watching him play in the fields of our home in Bilara.
I remember Ino snatching anything he got hold of and running away, he cried when anyone else was in danger. He was also very stubborn. Didn't like taking medicine. And he was so sweet and tender with us, and aggressive when required.
I remember holding him in my lap and watching him sleep. I wondered what he must be dreaming about. It was hard to know what went inside his head, he didn't let anyone see his emotions that quickly, but he understood his duty to love and protect everyone he cared about. He knew well that he had to be the silent protector.
“I have this memory playing in my head from my last trip to Farm Aavjo, when we were heading out and you got a call and you took it from the reception while I was out and Sai gestured to me to take care of his kids because they were climbing out of the gate. He was so quiet with me, gave me my space, he let himself grow on me at a pace I liked. He would come for love, get some, and just let me be me, exactly how I preferred it. He was the first animal I connected with.” - Prakhar, a kind & loving visitor of Farm Aavjo
I think this empty space within me is stretching to make a new space. Sai lives there now — not in absence, but in everything he left behind.
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